Happy Fun Times Meisters Forever!
by Admiral Muffin
Summary: Sequel to Happy Fun Times Meisters. The ongoing misadventures of Saji Crossroad and friends continues.
1. Prologue

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN GUNDAM

Warning: Disturbing and offensive humor

**PROLOGUE**

"**OF THINGS TO COME"**

**CROSSROAD RESIDENCE **

**SAJI'S ROOM**

**6:45 A.M. **

Kinue Crossroad slowly opened the door and tip-toed towards the bed of her younger brother. Saji was completely covered with a blanket and was sleeping soundly. She looked around to see if the coast is clear, hoping nobody would interrupt her. The room was completely quiet, save for the soft hum of the computer on the desk, right next to the School Days game case. "Here I come, Saji-kun." Kinue giggled and quickly removed the blanket. "Wake up, baby brother, and give big sister a nice…uh…what the hell is this? You're not my brother!" She gasped and took a step back.

It wasn't Saji who is sleeping on the bed, it was none other than Kira Yamato. "Yo." He sat up and saluted. The young Coordinator's eyes were sparkling and his bright smile nearly blinded her. "My name is Kira Yamato and I'm now the main character." He proudly pounded his chest. "Now before you say Gundam SEED Destiny, I just wanna-

"WHERE THE **BLEEP **IS MY BROTHER!?" Kinue took out her taser and zapped Kira in the nuts.

"Yeeeeouch! Can't you take a joke, lady!? Saji is not here, he left already! Hey! Quit poking me with that thing! It hurts like hell! Ow! Aaaah! Eeeek!" Kira's body trembled and his mouth began to foam.

"Good morning." Flay Allster came out from the closet.

"Flay, help me!"

"Well I'm gonna go take a shower now." She ignored the two and left the room.

**

* * *

LOCKON'S BAR**

"A sequel?" Lockon Stratos raised one of his eyebrows while cleaning a beer mug. "You gotta be kidding me here. Happy Fun Times Meisters has a fricking sequel?"

"Oui." George de Sand raised his glass.

"Didn't we piss enough people already? They're gonna lynch us for this." The Irishman sighed.

"Indeed." The red-haired Frenchman agreed. "I fear for the worst, my friend."

"I don't know about you guys…" Klaus Grado entered the bar and joined them. "But I think this is my chance to shine and show everyone my awesomeness. I'm like the Roy Focker of the Gundam universe."

"Uh…" Lockon rubbed his temples.

"Ah pour 'amour de Dieu…" George shook his head and finished his drink.

"What? What's wrong with you people? I'm like the cool adult character here, right? The big brother. The caring Onii-san that everybody looks up to."

"The future isn't looking too bright." Lockon hang his head.

Feldt Grace came out of the kitchen and threw her apron at Lockon's face. "I'm quitting." She announced loudly and marched out of the building.

"I hate my life…" Lockon sat on the floor and hugged his knees.

"Listen…I could chase her for you and…"

"Screw you, Klaus!" Lockon sobbed. "Why do I feel a bad sense of dread?"

"Uh…Monsieur Lockon…I think your kitchen is on fire."

**

* * *

KRUNG THEP, MEDICAL FACILITY**

**EXAMINATION ROOM NO. 4**

After hearing the reports of Shinn Asuka temporarily turning into a girl after being exposed to GN particles, Doctor Joyce Moreno invited the young Coordinator to his medical facility so he can examine his body and find a cure. The tragedy of the Plutone incident is still fresh in his mind and one could say he feels somewhat obligated to help when someone gets sick from GN particles exposure, no matter how strange the condition is. "Here are the results of the test." The good doctor entered the room while holding a clipboard.

"That's great, doc, but I really don't care about the results." Shinn smiled, he was sitting on the bed and only wearing his underwear.

"Huh? Aren't you worried, young man?"

"Nope." He shook his head. "In fact, the reason why I came here is because I want you to expose my body to GN particles so I can turn into a girl again."

"Uh…" A sweat drop appeared on Moreno's head. "Can I ask why?"

"That way I can wear Mayu's clothes and-

KER-CRASH! Lunamaria Hawke suddenly broke through the wall and she's carrying a rusty steel pipe. "Shiiiiiiiiiinn Asukaaaaaaaaaaa…" She hissed and proceeded to savagely beat her boyfriend with the pipe.

Moreno calmly walked away and picked up the intercom. "Hello? Linda? Yes, it's me. Can you send a stretcher to examination room number four? Yes, I'm fully aware that there's an intruder. Yes, the intruder is here and she's beating the life out of my patient. Oh and bring some painkillers too." He glanced back at the couple and winced. "Lots and lots of painkillers. A bottle of Scotch would also be nice."

**

* * *

SIDE 2, LONDENION COLONY**

**LONDO BELL HEADQUARTERS**

"You!" Amuro Ray, now a super ultra sexy detective, pointed at an obese Earth Federation officer. "You're the killer! You're the one who killed Miss Thompson, Colonel Yoshida! After she found your secret stash of Gundam Wing yaoi doujinshi, you had no choice but to silence her in order to protect your position and reputation! I can't believe you would kill your own secretary, you swine! She wasn't even planning to expose your secret yet you still snuffed her out!" He was smoking a pipe and doing various dramatic poses.

"Me? The killer? Hah! You can't prove that! Where's your evidence then?"

"Evidence, you say?" The legendary ace pilot smiled. "I'll gladly show you some evidence, you murderous fiend. My partner, the infamous Red Comet, has found some solid and incriminating-

"Lieutenant Commander Ray!" A Federation soldier suddenly entered the room. "I got some bad news! Mr. Char Aznable has been arrested by the police!"

"WHAT!?" Amuro dropped his pipe. "Why? What happened?"

"Well you see…uh…it seems Mr. Aznable was found sneaking inside one of the local middle schools during the investigation and…umm...well…"

"Out with it, soldier!" Amuro stomped his feet, he was clearly frustrated and anxious.

"He made his way into the girls' locker room and stole some underwear. He then wore one of the panties over his head and started running around the campus like some maniac before getting caught by school security. They handed him over to the police two hours ago."

"But what about the evidence? He still has it, right? He told me he got the murder weapon and-

"Uh…you see…he kinda lost it when he was being chased by the guards."

"Oh God…"

"Also, all of his Puru clones have been taken custody by the welfare committee and-

"Shut-up. Just shut the hell up. I don't know any Char Aznable. He doesn't exist. No siree Bob! I'm a one man army and my rival is really Johnny Ridden." He was completely in denial.

"Well…err…I'll be leaving now." The suspect puts on his hat and walked towards the door.

"Not so fast, fatty!" Amuro quickly tackled the officer before he could even touch the doorknob. "Like hell I'm gonna let you escape!"

**

* * *

CELESTIAL BEING MOTHER SHIP**

**LIVING ROOM**

Regene Regetta is playing the PS3 while Ribbons Almark watches. Both of them are sitting on the couch while Nibbles the cat is on the floor, playing with a ball of yarn. "Damn it. The gameplay is kinda weird and frustrating." Regene adjusted his glasses.

"What? This is Metal Gear Solid 4 we're talking about here, I don't think there's any gameplay at all. Looks like the creators forgot they're making a game."

"Uh…"

"Look, let's just play Zero Wing instead and laugh at the bad Engrish."

"No!"

"Oh c'mon, Regene. Let's do it for great justice."

"Meow."

"See? Nibbles is agreeing with me."

"He always agrees with you."

"That's because he's my cat, nimrod."

"I just wanna finish this game and be done with it. I need some closure."

"Uh guys…" Grave Violento's ghost appeared before them.

"Look Regene! Continuity!" Ribbons pointed and laughed.

"Screw you! Anyway, we got a problem…"

"We all have problems, Casper. It makes life interesting and stuff. Now go away!"

"Damn it! Look, there's something wrong with Tieria Erde…"

"Tell me something I don't know." Regene chuckled and continued watching…err…I mean playing.

"What about femboy?"

"He's been making too many Bring and Devine clones and they're all marching around-

"Naked?" Ribbons finished Grave's sentence and raised his eyebrow.

"Yes!"

"There's nothing we can do about it." Regene sighed. "Our link with VEDA has been cut off and he's the one in control now."

"Damn it!" Grave shouted.

"Nothing to get your spiritual panties in a twist, Grave." Ribbons opened a can of beer. "Besides, we got bigger problems to worry about." He nudged his head, pointing to a group of Earth Sphere Federation soldiers going in and out of the room. They seem to be bringing in a lot of equipment while ransacking the place. "Hello movie continuity." He sat back.

"Oh dear…" Regene sighed.

Suddenly, their television signal got hijacked by the Federation and a weird-looking officer appeared on the screen. "It's you!" Ribbons stood up.

"Who?" Grave scratched his head.

"I dunno…" The green-haired Innovade shrugged and smiled sheepishly. "I just felt like saying that."

"How are you, gentlemen…err…ladies…or something…" The officer cackled.

"I don't like where this is going." Regene rolled his eyes.

"Your mothership is belong to us!" The officer announced and clapped his hands.

"I HATE INTERNET MEMES!!!" Regene screamed.

"Meow."

"Nibbles agrees with you, Regene." Ribbons said and sat on the couch again.

"SHUT-UP!!! I HATE YOU TOO, RIBBONS ALMARK!!!"

**

* * *

UNDISCLOSED LOCATION**

The woman known as Miss Ashkka was standing in the middle of a dark room. "So…" An unknown figure spoke, his whole body was covered by the shadows. "Saji Crossroad, eh? Interesting…"

"Yes, that's the name of the boy." The blonde woman took off her glasses and wiped them clean with her handkerchief. "The name of the young man who defeated Mitsuo Fukuda and foiled our plans of taking over the Gundam multiverse."

"So he's a threat to the Society then?"

"I believe so…"

"But we just can't take him out."

"I agree. We need to observe him first and I just got the right man for the job." Ashkka smiled.

**

* * *

SPECIAL ECONOMIC ZONE TOKYO**

**CITY PARK**

**4:02 P.M. **

"I sense a…distortion!" Setsuna F. Seiei suddenly stood up as his eyes began to glow. Him, Saji and Louise Halevy are sitting on the bench and eating some ice cream.

"I sense a massive pounding coming up if you don't sit down." Louise was getting irritated.

"Now Louise…" Saji smiled nervously while trying to calm her down. "There's no need to get violent."

"Why is the world…distorted?" Setsuna asked.

"Because freaks like you inhabit it. Now sit the **BLEEP **down and eat your **BLEEP**ing ice cream!"

"Gundam…"

**

* * *

INDUSTRIAL 7 COLONY**

**VIST FOUNDATION, MOBILE SUIT HANGAR BAY**

"Anna and you must hate me to my very bones…" A dying Cardeas Vist said as he entrusted the RX-0 Unicorn Gundam to his estranged son, Banagher Links. "This machine will-

"Yoink!" Kira Yamato suddenly appeared and yanked the old man out of the Gundam's cockpit. "Hello Hajime Katoki sexiness." He fixed his collar as he entered the cockpit hatch.

"W-Who the hell are you!?" Banagher was shocked to see him.

"My name is Kira Yamato." He introduced himself. "And I'm now the main character, bitch!" He kicked the young man right in the face and also threw him out. "Oh boy!" He sat on the chair and rubbed his hands. "Now let's test this beautiful piece of hardware." He checked the control panel and frowned. "That's weird…" He then typed something on the keyboard. "Biometrics? Lock system? Eeeew! This thing runs on Vista! I guess that's why it's called Vist Foundations. Get it? Vist? Vista? Oh c'mon…"

**

* * *

STORY NOTES**

Gundam fans! I'm sure by now most of you have seen the first episode of Mobile Suit Gundam Unicorn. After nearly a decade of the usual alternate universe offerings that have more or less defined the franchise, Sunrise finally treated the legions of UC fanboys with the spectacle that is known as Unicorn Gundam and I have to say, it's a very tasty spectacle and I'm sure it will be universally embraced if they don't drop the ball. The first episode of the OVA is pretty orgasmic. The animation is slick, characters compelling, the plot is interesting and the nostalgia…ahh…the nostalgia! Gundam Unicorn is clearly a reply to years of fan prayer. I'm sure they omitted some stuff from the original novel but so far the OVA series is looking pretty great.

Anyhoo! Back to Happy Fun Times Meisters! Actually, I was planning to write another chapter of Remnants but I got a nasty touch of writer's block. Not to mention I was feeling depressed and so I decided to write the prologue of Happy Fun Times Meisters Forever, the new ongoing sequel to Happy Fun Times Meisters. What can you expect from Forever? Well the humor will still be the same, if you hated the original then I'm sure you're gonna hate this one too. Peppered with self-depreciation humor, weaboo culture and Universal Century fapping, you'll either be amused or disgusted. Or course, I will be including original characters like Miss Ashkka and others.

Well that's pretty much it. Feel free to post some reviews and criticisms, just don't flame me. Please.


	2. Chapter 1

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN GUNDAM

Warning: Disturbing and offensive humor

**CHAPTER ONE**

"**THE ARISTOCRATIC NEW NEIGHBOUR" **

**ST. MINEVA HIGH SCHOOL **

**ROOM 2-D**

**4:32 P.M. **

"Class dismissed." Anavel Gato slammed both of his hands on the desk. "Remember to study for your midterms next week and no goofing off, people. I want each and every one of you to pass this subject."

"Yes, Gato-sensei." Everyone responded in unison.

"Crossroad-kun!" The Zeon ace pointed at the young man.

"Sir?" Saji gulped.

"I know your life is like a freaking harem anime but you need to man up and focus on your studies. You can indulge in your convoluted and complicated love triangles AFTER the exams! You understand me, boy?"

"H-Hai!" He nodded his head. "I'll do my best not to get distracted, sir."

"Good." Gato was pleased with his answer. "Katz Kobayashi!" He turned his attention to the young AEUG member. "You're gonna fail my subject. Don't bother trying, you might as well give up, kiddo."

"What? Why?"

"Why? Because your soul is being dragged down by Earth's gravity, that's why!"

"Huh? I don't get it."

"You're not supposed to get it."

"Sensei, I think you're being unfair here!" He complained. "Also, you're a Physics teacher, right? Why are you teaching us stuff about Gihren Zabi? And you've been-

"I can't hear you." Gato turned his back on the class and covered his ears. "I said class dismissed. You can all go home now. C'mon! Hurry up! Sensei has Gundams to steal and Feddy fleets to decimate."

"Sensei!" Katz stood up.

"Thank you and come again."

"Sensei!"

"Thank you and come again."

"SENSEI!!!"

"Shut-up!!!" Louise Halevy ran towards Katz and punched him in the face. "You're freaking annoying!"

"Miss Halevy." Gato faced the class again. "You're getting an A."

"Uh…" Saji smiled nervously as a sweat drop appeared on his head.

**

* * *

ON THE WAY HOME…**

"Louise, I think you overdid it when you punched Kobayashi-kun in the face." Saji said while eating a hotdog.

"But sensei gave me an A." Her face was practically glowing with happiness. "Gato-sensei sure is cool. I mean he looks so handsome and confident. Those intense eyes and-

"Louise!"

"Huh?" The blonde Spaniard suddenly stopped walking.

"What's wrong?" He followed her gaze and noticed a moving truck parked in front of their apartment complex. Several men were carrying furniture into the building.

"You think…"

"Yeah…" Saji finished his hotdog. "I think the vacant room next door has finally been taken. Louise, I think we got ourselves a new neighbour. Isn't that great?" The young man was excited.

"I guess…" She smiled. "I guess you're right. We got a new neighbour."

"Gundam…" Setsuna F. Seiei suddenly appeared behind them.

"Gyaaaaaah!" They both screamed.

"Setsuna, don't scare us like that, you big dummy!" Louise said angrily.

"Sorry…" The young Gundam Meister apologized. "I came here to greet you guys and…tell you about the new tenant."

"So have you met him…or her?" Saji asked.

"No and I think it's a him." He replied. "Also, I believe he's some sort of noble or something."

"A noble? Like royalty?" Saji scratched his head.

"I'm not really sure but that's what the landlord told me at least."

"Sounds interesting." Louise rubbed her hands. "I wanna meet this guy."

"Then allow me to introduce myself." A tall man with light-brown hair came out from behind the moving truck, he was wearing some sort of military uniform and his left eye was covered by an eye patch. "My name is Zabine Chareux." He waved his hand and knelt before them. "And I am now a tenant of this building and your new neighbour."

"Whoa…" Saji was somehow intimidated by his refined and snooty presence.

"That's so cool." Louise squealed. "I think he really is noble. He looks like a duke or something."

"Ah you flatter me, young lady." He chuckled and kissed her hand. "I am no noble, I am nothing but a simple man living a simple life."

"I find that hard to believe and why are you kissing my girlfriend's hand?" Saji's eyes began to twitch.

"Apologies, apologies…" Zabine stood up and patted his shoulder. "No need to get angry."

"It was only a gesture, Saji." Louise elbowed the young man. "No need to get sensitive."

"But Louise!"

"Please don't fight. It was my fault for being so rude and I give my sincerest apology."

"Guys, we forgot to introduce ourselves." Setsuna reminded.

"Oh right!" Louise gasped and covered her mouth. "This is all your fault, Saji!"

"Huh!? Me?"

"Yes! You! Now go introduce yourself properly!" She ordered. "Don't embarrass me here."

"Yes ma'am…" He whimpered. "My name is Saji Crossroad." He introduced himself with a forced smile.

"I'm his girlfriend, Louise Halevy." She giggled and happily shook Zabine's hand.

"Setsuna F. Seiei." The Gundam Meister's voice was monotone and deadpan as always.

"Wonderful! Just wonderful!" Zabine clapped his hands. "I hope we all get along now."

"Say Zabine-san, are you by any chance a soldier?" Saji asked, referring to his military uniform.

"Why yes…" He answered proudly. "I am a soldier for the Crossbone Vanguard and commander of the elite Black Vanguard. Many people consider me a brilliant tactician and a vicious ace pilot."

"Is that so…"

"The black crossbone what now?" Louise was confused.

"The Crossbone Vanguard." He corrected. "Let me say it again, my unit is called the Black Vanguard, for our squadron uses the distinctive black-and-purple color scheme and I am their beloved commander."

"Never heard of it…"

"Are you sure?"

"Yup…" She nodded.

"We're quite famous, you know…"

"I guess you guys are not famous enough if I don't know you." Louise said bluntly.

"…"

"Uh…"

"Cosmo Babylonia! Surely you have heard of us."

"I'm telling you, I don't know anything about cosmic baby lotions or something." Louise stomped her feet and shook her fist.

"Young people nowadays…" He lamented. "If it doesn't have any fancy-schamncy Gundams with large backpacks and pretty boy pilots then…"

"It's not like the F91 era was popular, even with UC fanboys." One of the movers passed by.

"W-W-What!?"

"I think we should go now. It's good meeting you, Mr. Chareux." Saji grabbed Louise's hand and they both entered the apartment building, leaving their friend behind.

"Zabine…" The Gundam Meister muttered his name softly and clenched both of his fists after the couple left. Setsuna's face suddenly became serious and his eyes were burning with intensity.

"Yes? Can I help you, young man? Your name is Setsuna, am I right?"

"Are you a…Gundam?"

"Pardon?"

"I am…Gundam."

"Uh…what?"

"Gundam." He repeated with a stern voice.

"That's nice…"

"Do you want to become a…Gundam?"

"Uh…well…"

"I am…Gundam."

"Yes, that's nice. That's really, really nice, kid." Zabine slowly took a step back while smiling. "Well young man, I must take my leave for I have a lot of things to attend to." He ran away.

**

* * *

CROSSROAD RESIDENCE**

**6:32 P.M. **

Saji was preparing dinner in the kitchen while Louise and Setsuna are in the living room. "That Zabine guy was sure strange." The young man said while chopping some carrots.

"Oh give him a chance, Saji." Louise yawned as she sat on the couch. She then started to read a shoujo manga while Setsuna turned on the television and sat on the floor. "I think he's a pretty nice guy."

"I dunno, Louise…" He opened the cupboard and grabbed the curry powder. "There's something about him that rubs me the wrong way."

"I think you're just irritated because Zabine-san is such a refined gentleman." She smirked.

"Right…" He sighed. "By the way, you're mom is not coming home today, right?"

"She returned to Spain because dad called her. Something about work I guess."

"That explains why she was extra clingy this morning."

"What about Kinue? Is she also not coming home?"

"Nee-san left a note on the table, saying that she's on a business trip with her boss or something. She won't be back until Monday. I think she went to the PLANTS to cover that latest Meer Campbell scandal."

"Oh thank goodness." Louise stretched her arms. "Peace and quiet at last."

**

* * *

MEANWHILE…**

**OUTSIDE IN THE HALLWAY**

The elevator doors opened and Christina Sierra stepped out along with her best friend, Feldt Grace. The busty bridge bunny was carrying a big pot and slowly marched towards Saji's apartment. "With this home cooked meal I made, I can finally capture the heart of my beloved Saji-kun." She giggled like an idiot. "He will feel the undying love and effort I poured into this beef stew. I'm not really a denizen of the kitchen but I learned for your sake, Saji-kun. I learned how to cook so I can save you from those horrible, horrible wenches. Oh Saji-kun, after indulging your taste buds with this culinary perfection, you will finally open your eyes and dump that stupid blonde girlfriend of yours and date me! Oh I can't wait to-"

"Uh Chris, I'm sorry to interrupt this inane babble you call a speech but why do I have to tag along?" Feldt asked while looking pretty irritated.

"Because you're my best friend and I want you to witness our love." She replied. "Oh my heart is beating like crazy! Don't you feel excited too?"

"No, I feel tired and I wanna go to bed, you moron. I had a rough day and I don't have time to join you in one of your silly love battles. Just leave the poor boy alone! Saji's suffering enough already and adding you to his endless list of woes will just make things worse for him. He'll probably snap and go on a rampage or something. Oh and just what makes you think you can capture his heart with a simple meal that's probably not delicious since you just learned how to cook today? I think this is pretty clichéd and stupid and I doubt it's gonna work." Feldt said bluntly. "Close the book, Chris, there's no more tricks to use."

"Feldt…"

"Chris…" The pink-haired girl sighed. "I know I'm being harsh but you need to-

"SAJI WILL FEEL MY UNDYING LOVE AND AFFECTION AFTER TASTING MY COOKING!!! AFTER SEEING THE EFFORT I MADE, HE'S GONNA FALL FOR ME AND KICK THAT BLONDE BIMBO OUT OF HIS LIFE!!! SIEG SIERRA!!! SIEG SIERRA!!!" Christina screamed at the top of her lungs and her eyes seem to be twitching. Clearly, there is something wrong with this girl.

"Okaaaaaaaaaaay…" Feldt took a step back.

"Feldt!" Chris suddenly became serious and put down the pot. "Quickly! We need to hide!" She grabbed her friend's hand and they hid behind a decorative plant.

"W-W-What's going on!?" Feldt was confused.

"Who the heck is that?" She pointed and the pink-haired girl saw a weird-looking man standing in-front of Saji's apartment, she didn't recognize the uniform he was wearing and his left eye was covered by an eye patch. The man looked somewhat upset as his intense and frightening glare bore through the door while scratching his chin. The man was definitely in deep thought and Feldt couldn't help but to feel cautious around his overwhelming presence. He then knelt down and carefully pressed his ear to the door and closed his remaining eye. "He's doing something suspicious, Feldt." Chris whispered. "He's probably after my beloved Saji-kun. We need to stop him."

"Calm down, Chris." Feldt placed her hand on her shoulder. "Let's continue watching. We can't be reckless here, you know. We need to know what we're dealing here with first before we make a move."

"But I'm an impulsive, brash and hot-blooded female who's hungry for some good action." She shook her fist. "I'm like the handsome and dashing prince and Saji is my beautiful princess in distress."

"What!?" Feldt gave her a weird look.

"N-Nothing…" She smiled nervously.

Suddenly, the man's cellphone began to ring and he quickly stood up to answer it. "Yes? I'm doing it now. Yes, I'm being careful here so there's nothing worry about. Yes, I already met him and his girlfriend. Oh he's just like any ordinary teenager, maybe a little bit on the wussy side but he's pretty normal. You have nothing to worry about, Mistress. I am Zabine Chareux of the elite Black Vanguard and I make sure the job gets done with class and swift efficiency. I'll contact you once I gathered all the information you need. Yes. Oh? Is that so? Well I'm happy you think that way, Mistress. Okay, I got it." He said his goodbye and pocketed the phone. He then looked around to see if there are other people in the hallway, not noticing the two girls hiding behind the decorative plant, and quickly went back to his apartment.

"F-F-F-F-Feldt!!!" Christina shrieked as she stood up, pushing her friend away. "I knew it! That pirate is really after my Saji-kun!"

"Pirate?" Feldt rubbed her behind and stood up too.

"Well he's wearing an eye patch so that makes him an evil pirate. I never did trusted pirates, I prefer ninjas and Vikings. Anyway, my Saji-kun is in danger! We gotta warn him!"

"He said his name is Zabine Chareux and it seems he is a member of a group called the Black Vanguard."

"That's probably the name of his pirate gang! That fiend! I won't forgive him if he tries to hurt my Saji-kun! I'll kill that bastard so bad that even the most brutal Zanscare soldiers will wet their pants in fear."

"He went inside that apartment next to Saji-kun's place, I wonder if he's a tenant here."

"Aah!" Chris gasped. "Wait a minute, he called the person on the other end his mistress or something, right? Feldt Grace, my beloved best friend and loyal sidekick, are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

"I'm not your sidekick and I don't want to know what you're thinking." She glared.

"It looks like I have another love rival!"

"Where the hell did that come from!?" Feldt was fighting the urge to kick her friend in the face.

"Feldt, I need to be strong here. I must not waver. I must not give up. Saji Crossroad-kun is my one and only true love and I will definitely make him fall for me even if I have to break destiny and fate with my hot-blooded and manly determination. My love for him is so full of epic win, just like a Jam Project song."

"Note to self: Must find new friends." Feldt rubbed her temples.

"Feldt…" She held her hand. "Will you stand by my side? Will you help me conquer these obstacles? Will you help me defeat this new love rival?"

"No." She answered coldly.

"Yatta! I knew I could count on you, my beloved best friend and loyal sidekick." Chris hugged her tightly.

"You're not listening to me and I wanna strangle you right now!" She gritted her teeth and Chris proceeded to snuggle her. "Oh God, what did I do to deserve this?" She wept.

"There is no God…" Setsuna suddenly appeared. "There is only Gundam."

"Setsuna-kun!" Both girls are surprised to see him.

"What are you doing here?" Feldt asked.

"I think I should be the one asking that question. Anyway, I was over at Saji's place and I came out to get something from my apartment." He replied. "Then I saw the two of you here and…well…"

"Setsuna-kun!" Chris suddenly grabbed both of his shoulders and started shaking him. "Did you see that pirate? We gotta do something! I have a new love rival and I think she's using that guy to-

Feldt pushed her away before she could finish her sentence. "Setsuna-kun, we saw a suspicious-looking man here a while ago. He was standing in-front of Saji's apartment and doing something weird."

"Really?" He raised one of his eyebrows.

"Yeah." She nodded. "A tall guy wearing an eye patch."

"Oh you mean Zabine-san…"

"You know him?"

"Yup." Setsuna crossed his arms. "He's our new neighbour, he just moved in today. He's a bit strange but I think he's a nice guy. I wonder if he wants to become a Gundam like me."

"He seems fishy to me."

"Of course, he's fishy!" Christina screamed as she flapped her arms. "That pirate is working for my new love rival and he's thinking of a way to steal Saji away from me!"

"Please ignore her, Setsuna-kun." Feldt smiled.

"I always do…"

"Muuuuuuugyaaaaaaaah!!!" Chris let out a frustrated shriek. "I'll show you! I'll prove it to you guys that pirate is up to no good! He's working for my new love rival and I'm sure of it!" She went to Zabine's apartment and kicked the door open. "Say your prayers, Blackbeard, I'm coming to get ya!"

"Christina, what're you doing, you moron!?" Feldt ran after her.

**

* * *

ZABINE'S APARTMENT**

Zabine was sitting on the floor and eating some cup ramen when Chris broke down his door. "My goodness!" He exclaimed. "W-Who are you and what do you want? I hope you're not trying to rob me."

"You will never take Saji away from me, you asshole!!!" She took out a switchblade from her back pocket and started waving it around as she slowly approached Zabine. "I'll cut ya! I'll **BLEEP**ing cut ya! I'll **BLEEP**ing cut ya, mother**BLEEP**er!!!" Her eyes started twitching like crazy and her mouth was foaming.

"Simmer down, young lady!" Zabine stood up, spilling his ramen. "I dunno what your beef with me is but you need to calm down and put that thing away before somebody gets hurt."

"Oh somebody will get hurt alright and that somebody is you!" She lunged.

"MOMMY!!!"

"Die! Die! Die!" Chris kept slashing away at Zabine but he managed to evade all of her attacks while screaming like a woman. "Can you hear the cicadas crying!? Can you!? Bwahahahahahahahaha!!!"

"Hah!" Zabine quickly caught her hand but Chris kicked him in the family jewels. "Shattered like my dreams for space aristocracy!" He groaned while clutching his groin. "Ow! I was never really good with pain."

"Okay Captain Hook…" She kicked him in the face, breaking his nose. "Time to end this!" She pushed him down to the floor and climbed on top of him. "You stupid pirate, you should have never get in the way of true love." She raised the blade and prepares to stab his chest.

"That's strange…" Zabine smiled weakly. "Somehow, I feel…kinda aroused."

"What? Stop saying weird things, you moron!" Chris blushed. "Huh? What the heck is that? I…I think something is poking my butt and--aaaaah! Eeeeeew! Y-You pervert!"

"Stupid girl! You climbed on top of me, of course there's going to be a reaction!" Zabine was also blushing. "Oh good heavens! I think a new door has opened for me." He muttered to himself.

"Christina!" Feldt also entered the apartment along with Setsuna. "What are you doing!?"

"Uwaaaaah!" The brown-haired girl dropped the knife and hugged her friend. "That pirate violated me! I can't be a bride anymore, Feldt!!!" She sobbed. "I can't marry my Saji-kun anymore!!!"

"H-H-He violated you!?" Feldt was shocked.

"He poked me! He poked my butt with his-

"That girl is crazy!" Zabine stood up and pointed at them. "She broke into my home and tried to stab me with this knife!"

"You were trying to steal Saji-kun away from me! I know you're working for someone and she wants my beloved Saji-kun! We saw you a while ago and you were-

"I think it's time to go to bed now, Christina." Feldt quickly put her in a chokehold until she passed out. "See? You're pretty tired. Well I think we should leave and I'm very sorry for the trouble, Zabine-san."

"Uh…it's alright. As long as nobody got hurt." A sweat drop appeared on his head.

"Goodnight then." She bowed her head. "Oh and goodnight to you too, Setsuna. Say hi to Saji-kun and Louise-chan for me." She then left the apartment while dragging Christina's unconscious body away.

"What the hell just happened here?" Zabine asked Setsuna.

"Love."

"I see…" He chuckled. "Her love is quite extreme, if you ask me."

"Zabine-san…"

"Yes?"

"I am…Gundam."

"Please leave now."

**

* * *

CROSSROAD RESIDENCE**

**DINING ROOM**

"What's taking him so long?" Louise pounded the table. "I'm running out of patience here and it's really pissing me off." She and Saji are waiting for Setsuna and they can't start dinner without him. "He said he's just gonna grab something from his apartment and won't take long but it's been like twenty minutes already! The food is getting cold! I'll wait for another five minutes and if he's still not here then-

"Now, now…" Saji tried to calm her down. "He probably just went to the toilet or something."

"I'm back." Setsuna finally arrived and he was carrying Christina's pot of beef stew. "Hey I found some food out in the hallway."

**

* * *

THE NEXT DAY…**

**ST. MINEVA HIGH SCHOOL**

**ROOM 2-D**

**8:45 A.M. **

"What? Christina Sierra is absent?" Gato was checking the class attendance. "This is very disappointing. We got mid-terms next week and that blasted girl is goofing off somewhere. She needs to take her studies seriously or else she's gonna fail." He sighed. "Anyway, Kobayashi-kun, go stand in the corner."

"Eeeeeh!? But why? What did I do wrong, Sensei!?" He protested.

"GO STAND IN THE CORNER!!!"

_"I wonder what happened to Sierra-san…" _Saji thought while playing with his pen. _"Why is she absent today? Maybe she's sick or something." _

**

* * *

CROSSROAD RESIDENCE**

**SAJI'S ROOM**

"Here we go…" Zabine said after picking the door's lock and entered the room. "So Saji-kun, I wonder what kind of secrets I will find in your room today." He chuckled and looked around. "Hmm? What is this?" He noticed something interesting on the desk, it was actually the School Days PC game Saji bought a few weeks ago, after the Mitsuo Fukuda incident. Yay for continuity! "It looks like the Mistress was right about her theory." He picked up the CD case, opened it and examined the contents. "It looks like Saji and the others didn't exactly forget what happened after all. It's more like their memory of that world and its inhabitants was locked away inside the very depths of their sub-consciousness." He put the CD case down and crossed his arms. "How amusing." He smiled. "How amusing indeed, Saji Crossroad." Next, he checked the closet and his eyes went wide with shock and horror after opening it. "What the hell is this?" Inside, he saw fancy dresses, make-up, jewelleries, frilly underwear and other kinds of female clothing and accessories. "My God…" He gasped. "Is Saji-kun a cross-dresser or something? I'm pretty sure Louise-chan's things are in a separate closet." Of course, he wasn't aware of Flay Allster's existence and how the fiery redhead turned Saji's closet into her room. The timing couldn't be more perfect for Flay went away for a while and won't be back until next month. Yay for more continuity!

"I knew it!"

"Aw crap!" Zabine turned around and saw Christina standing in the doorway. "It's you! You're that crazy knife-wielding girl who got turned on after I accidentally poked your butt with my ere-

"Shut the fudge up! Y-You violated me, you animal!"

"I did no such thing, you crazy bitch." He pointed at her.

"Anyway, what're you doing here?"

"What're YOU doing here?" He countered her question with a question of his own.

"I asked first, you mook!"

"Well I'll answer your question after you answered mine."

"No! Answer my question first!"

"No! Answer my question first!"

"Shut-up!"

"No, you shut-up!"

"…"

"I got you there, crazy girl."

"Y-You asshole! What are you doing in Saji-kun's room?"

"None of your business, you loon." He snickered. "Anyway, shouldn't you be in school? Such a naughty girl you are, attacking other people with a knife and now you're skipping school. Naughty indeed."

"I'll ask again." Chris glared. "What are you doing in Saji-kun's room?"

"Look! It's Mark Curran from G-Savior!"

Christina didn't fell for his trick and continued glaring.

"Uh…okay that didn't work. Oh! Look! It's…uh…well…it's Sei from that Duo Maxwell manga side story! Hah! How's that? Fear my knowledge of obscure Gundam references! Booyah!"

"I'm gonna kill you now." She said dryly and pulled out a shotgun.

"Oh **BLEEP **me! **BLEEP **me sideways! What the **BLEEP **happened to gun control in this country?" He quickly jumped out through the window before she can fire the weapon.

**

* * *

OUTSIDE**

Zabine landed painfully on the ground but he quickly recovered and stood up. "Move out of the way, Granny!" He pushed an old woman and ran as fast as he could.

Christina poked her head out of the broken window and fired the shotgun. "Come back here, you bastard! Come back here so I can freaking kill you!"

"Listen everyone! I poked that girl's buttocks with my woody!" Zabine mocked and gave her the finger.

"I'LL KILL YOU! I'LL **BLEEP**ING KILL YOU, ZABINE CHAREUX!!!" Chris screamed and shook her fist.

"Aristocracy rules!!!" He howled.

Setsuna came out of his apartment to check the commotion and he noticed Christina. "Hey, what's going on here?" He asked her while munching on a donut.

"It's Zabine! That bastard broke into Saji's apartment and he was snooping around in his room."

"Really?"

"Yes!"

"Did he steal anything?" He asked.

"I don't think so but I'm pretty sure he's up to no good. You need to believe me here, Setsuna."

"I believe you."

"Then you gotta help me out! We need to tell Saji about him!"

"Roger that." He saluted.

**

* * *

LOCKON'S BAR**

**BASEMENT**

Feldt asked Lockon Stratos to do some research on Zabine and the Crossbone Vanguard, there was something about him that bothered her and she won't rest until she knows the truth. The former Gundam Meister is sitting in-front of a computer while the pink-haired girl is pacing back and forth behind him. "This is all I can find, Feldt-chan." He said. "According to this, the Crossbone Vanguard is just like the Principality of Zeon, but only snootier and they have a major hard-on for aristocracy or something." He then typed something on the keyboard and opened another window. "Your guy, Zabine, is pretty much clean. I don't see any criminal records. Of course, these are the official files so there's a big chance they're sugar coated with chocolatey candy goodness."

"There's something wrong with that guy, Lockon. I'm sure of it. My gut is telling me that Zabine is not what he seems to be."

"You need to chill, sweetheart." The Irishman chuckled. "I'll call Lyle, maybe he can help. I'm not really good when it comes to finding dirty secrets but baby brother got some good connections."

"Thanks, Lockon. I don't know what Zabine wants with Saji but I just can't stand here and…"

"No problem. I care about the kid too, you know. I'm his employer after all."

"Hey Lockon!" Allelujah Haptism came down from the first floor. "We're out of lemons and a couple of OZ soldiers are having a cockfight in the men's room."

"Again?"

"Yeah and I think Monsha broke one of the pinball machines."

"Aw Goddammit…"

**

* * *

ST. MINEVA HIGH SCHOOL**

**ROOM 2-D**

**9:38**** A.M. **

"The Ghost of Solomon." Kiki Rosita answered.

"Correct." Gato clapped his hands. "Okay, who can answer the next question? This brave Zeon pilot served under Vice Admiral Dozle Zabi and he was known for painting his mobile suit white, thus earning the nickname White Wolf of Solomon. Who is this man?"

"Gato-sensei! Me! Pick me! Pick me! I know the answer!" Katz happily raised his hand.

"Oh boy…" Gato rolled his eyes. "Fine then. Kobayashi-kun, do you know the answer?"

"Yup!" He stood up. "It's Shin Matsunaga. His nickname White Wolf came not only from the white color scheme of his mobile suit but also his preference for close-quarters combat. His most well-known tactic was using his Zaku's superior thrusters to move in close to a target and then use his Heat Hawk to carve it into pieces. This was also very effective against warships. How's that for extra information?"

"…"

"Sensei?"

"Go stand in the corner, Kobayashi-kun."

"W-W-What!? But I answered correctly, Sensei!"

"GO STAND IN THE CORNER, KOBAYASHI-KUN!!!"

"Saji-kun!!!" Christina broke down the door while still carrying the shotgun.

"You're late, young lady." Gato said sternly.

"What the hell is going on here? Why is she carrying a gun?" Louise asked.

"Saji-kun, you're life is in danger!" She ran towards him as she recklessly waved her weapon.

"P-P-P-P-Please don't shoot me, Sierra-san!" Saji pleaded and raised both of his arms.

"I'm not trying to shoot you, dummy!" She grabbed his hand. "Anyway, just come with me!"

"Eh? Why?"

"Just shut-up and come with me!" She pulled him off his chair and dragged the young man out of the classroom. "Don't you worry, Saji-kun, I'll protect you."

"Just what the hell are you doing, Sierra-san!?" Louise stood up and chased after them. "Come back here with my boyfriend, you crazy bitch!!!"

"Oh man…" Gato let out a deep sigh. "I sure pity that boy but like I said, he needs to man up. Anyway, go stand in the corner, Kobayashi-kun."

"Eh? But I'm already standing-

"GO STAND IN THE CORNER, KOBAYASHI-KUN!!!"

**

* * *

UNDISCLOSED LOCATION**

"Mistress, please forgive me!" Zabine knelt before Miss Ashkka.

"You disappoint me, Zabine. You told me you will get the job done. You're lucky Saji doesn't know the existence of our organization. I thought a man of your caliber can easily fix such unexpected complications."

"Please give me a chance to redeem myself." He begged.

"Fine then." She giggled. "I know you're a very talented man so I'm giving you this one last chance."

"Thank you very much, Mistress. I won't fail you this time."

"Oh I'm sure you won't." The blonde woman lighted a cigarette. "I'm sure you don't wanna end up like Fukuda."

"Of course, Mistress. Fukuda was a fool."

"Indeed he was. Okay I think it's time we change our strategy, Zabine. I want you to kidnap Saji Crossroad but do so without compromising our organization. Fukuda was a fool but he was no pushover and this boy managed to defeat him. The higher-ups thinks he's a threat but I think we can use him. I'm always hungry for potential. Go now, Zabine, and don't fail me this time."

"Yes Mistress!"

**

* * *

**

**STORY NOTES**

Sorry I haven't been updating much lately, I was busy with some personal stuff and not to mention I got sick. Special thanks to Yopee for proofreading this chapter, my English isn't that good so I'm pretty happy I managed to find someone to check my work for me. He's a bit strange but Yopee is a good friend and an awesome guy. Anyway, I'm sorry that chapter one doesn't have much humor since I'm setting things up for the first story arc but things will get crazy next chapter. Well, here's the reference guide.

Zabine Chareux is one of the main characters in Gundam F91 and Crossbone Gundam. He's Seabook Arno's rival during the war with the Crossbone Vanguard. He's pretty much a secretive guy but he's very ambitious and will do anything to achieve his goals.

There's a Higurashi reference here when Christina attacked Zabine in his apartment. A free cookie for those who can spot it.

Mark Curran is the main character of the abysmal G-Savior movie.

Zabine mentioned Sei Lovecraft here and she's from the obscure Gundam Wing side story manga, A Scythe in My Right Hand, You in My Left?

The Ghost of Solomon is the nicknamed give to Lalah Sune, a major character from the original Mobile Suit Gundam.

Shin Matsunaga is a character from Gundam MSV. He also appeared in various side-stories and Gundam video games.

Well that's pretty much it. Again, reviews and criticisms will be very much appreciated. And thank you for those who read and supported Happy Fun Times Meisters, I really hope everyone will like the sequel. Laters y'all and have a nice day. Oh and Yopee, no more bukkake reviews. That was just messed-up, man. Really messed-up.


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